


Red Letters

by RiYuYami



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Character Death Mentioned, Doomed Timelines, Hurt/Comfort, JohnDave Week, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Sadstuck, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-07
Updated: 2016-07-07
Packaged: 2018-07-22 04:49:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7420555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiYuYami/pseuds/RiYuYami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You finally get connected with Dave’s pesterchum again after so long, only to find countless red words on your screen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Red Letters

**Author's Note:**

> I remember that Hussie once mentioned that Dave has sent thousands of messages to John, even after he’s logged off.
> 
> I decided to do something about that.
> 
> This is my thing for JohnDave Week Day Four, Hurt/Comfort. I posted it on my tumblr, but I felt like posting it here too.

The new world is beautiful and better than what you’ve dealt with for years now, and it’s fantastic to spend time with your friends. However… you sort of want a bit of time alone, so you go to your room in the house you now share with your family.

You get to your computer, happy to see how it is just like it was when you first started playing, but Sburb isn’t installed anymore from what you can tell. You shrug and look over the programs and files on your computer since it’s been a few days since you’ve bothered to get on since the game ended. A familiar yellow icon caught your attention.

Pesterchum, you haven’t used it much, mostly because you didn’t really need to since you could just go up and talk to Jade and Davesprite. That, and you couldn’t talk to the trolls or Rose and Dave since you had no connection to them where they were in the void. Sburb was a fucking prick for doing that, you missed your friends.

You chuckle softly to yourself, wondering if you have a missed message or two from them after all this time.

Clicking the icon, you open it up and log in. There is one message from Rose, but… holy shit Dave! He sent you literally over a thousand messages?! That’s a little excessive, don’t you think?

The message from Rose is simply her asking if you could see the message, which, considering that it was posted on your birthday three years ago, means no.

The ones from Dave… he must have written a novel, let’s see what he’s got…

TG: hey john are you there

TG: i guess not cause rose figured that we probably cant talk to each other for a while

TG: fucking sucks doesnt it but we just keep getting fucked

You chuckle, yep, that’s Dave, there’s a long, wordy monologue following this. You read through a few more texts, seeing that Dave seemed to message you almost every day, often it was just simple things. A few are about silly things he and Terezi did with the Mayor while building Can Town, some were him bitching about Vriska, and some stuff about Karkat being annoying and funny all at once.

TG: he sort of reminds me of you but in a loud and even more annoying way

TG: with more teeth

TG: did i tell you he bit me? yeah john he totally bit me because i told him that the movie he made me watch with him was stupid and everyone kept talking rather than doing something

There are more, he keeps talking about the little things in his day, but then you find an odd message, one that seems to have been sent in the middle of the night.

TG: john

TG: i had a nightmare

TG: i know you believe me to always have the sweetest of the most wicked of dreams and shit like that but thats not true

TG: i have nightmares a lot and tonight i had a bad one

TG: the dream

TG: bro was dead but he was telling me things

TG: he told me that i was useless to him, that i was to blame for his death, that i cant do anything right and that ive always been a ball and chain on him

TG: he was bleeding while he said this and not just from the hole in his chest but from his mouth

TG: ever word had blood and then he told me he never loved me and he hopes i die too like the miserable piece of shit that i am

TG: john i wish you could talk to me cause i really need you and i cant talk to anyone else

TG: terezi knows something is up she said she could tastes my tears

TG: but i didnt cry

TG: thats a lie cause im crying now but its the truth cause i didnt cry then

TG: john i wish you were here so we could totally have a one on one feelings jam about this shit but i guess ill push through all this emotional bullshit for now

Wow… you, uh, didn’t know that Dave felt like that. You knew his brother could be a hard ass, but you doubt that he would ever say shit like that. You’re sure he loved Dave! He took care of him all his life, if he hated him, he would have gotten rid of Dave.

Right?

You sigh, reading more messages. There are so many, some are long winded rants, raps, and chats, others are simply and short. Then you find ones that are simple ‘heys’ and ‘johns’ and once you found one that was five paragraphs of him just saying your name and turning them into weird anagrams, then a whole rap. You admit, before the game ever happened, Dave would send you messages after you got off and you’d read them when you got back on.

You never told him you read those long winded blocks of red texts. All the rants about something that happened at school that he forgot to tell you about, or raps he was working on, or how Rose made fun of him.

Just long pages of red words, words that you know Dave just kept typing out while he quietly whispered them to himself. Rose told you when you all made it to the new Earth that Dave whispers what he writes, even when he writes his comics and songs. It’s cute, really fitting of Dave.

But… you doubt he could whisper these messages for long, especially if he was crying.

Some of the ones where he’s upset cut off randomly, like he just left the chat. Then a new message will start up, completely forgetting about the forgotten one.

You find one that is nothing but key smashes.

There’s at least five that are him just talking about his bro, being so vague about things, but you know there is a deep, scared feeling behind his words. Some of these include his fear of Dirk, that Dirk will either beat him up or just ignore him.

Speaking of Dirk, you find a message about him that you know you were involved with.

TG: john i saw my bro today

TG: in the dream bubbles but he was a kid about our age or something

TG: he was in derse pjs and with a sleepy girl you know the one that you saved but well get to that

TG: i saw my kid bro john and he was awkward and looked nervous and we made eye contact and i didnt want him to leave the bubble but he did and i got scared that this would be the only time id see him

TG: i saw you as well

TG: you didnt notice me though

TG: senpai when will you notice me

TG: thats an anime reference you nerd did you notice you saved my ecto mom

TG: thanks for doing that btw

TG: i wish that fish girl hadnt speared you like that cause it would have been fuckin awesome to finally get the chance to take face to face with the guy ive been want to meet for years

TG: but whatever

TG: my poor heart can take another blow to it due to another lost opportunity

Lost opportunity? The hell is he talking about now?

You move through more texts, coming across one about Rose and her girlfriend.

TG: rose is drunk off her ass right now and its not as funny as i thought it would be

TG: its kinda sad

TG: she forgot her date with kanaya and now shes freaking out

TG: i wouldnt forget a date if i was dating someone

TG: i sort of am i think terezi and i have something and its pissing karkat off but i dunno

TG: i like terezi but i just… dont love her ya know

TG: i love someone else

TG: this stuff rose made tastes like shit

TG: im gonna get drunk

There is a change in the messages, sent at the same time, but because Vriska is mentioned, must mean it’s from the new universe. Some of these messages are sent at the same time, but different cause of different situations.

TG: rose is drunk off her ass right now its not as funny as i thought it would be

TG: its kinda sad

TG: oh shit vriska is talking some sense into her drunk head

TG: damn vriska way to be a bitch about someone with depression

TG: im gonna… leave this room for a bit and hang out with the mayor holy fuck

The messages then go back to the other universe Dave.

TG: I am soooooooooooood runk

TG: can’t even type my quik right

TG: john lots of people and trools are smoochimn and making sweat love right now

TG: or sweet hate I dunno

TG: and I am so fukcin lonely

TG: I dunt wanna kiss anyone buuuuuuuuutt

TG: you

TG: i wanna kiss you

TG: Jonh I am

TG: in

TG: love wit you

TG: I have alwa ys loved you

TG: bur you wont ever read this nd knew the truth

TG: oh fuck im the worst

The message ends there and you just… stare at the screen. Dave loves you? He… loves you? You always joked with him about it, and he played along, but… oh. Oh, that explains all the stuff before, in the previous messages, there were odd messages about how Dave praised you and talked about wanting to meet you and hold you close, things like that.

You knew Dave had some weird interest in you, that you were the most important person in the world to him, but you never knew he loved you. Is loved even the right word? Does he still love you? Did the flame ever die?

You… sort of hope not, you gave it thought on the golden ship, of a potential relationship with Rose or Dave. But something told you that Rose wasn’t quite into men, and Dave… well… you knew there were hints to his attraction towards the same sex. Even you had feelings that you weren’t exclusive to liking the female gender, Jade said bi-curiosity is a thing.

Hm…

You read on.

There are more messages, there is a file and a message that catch your attention.

TG: john i hate that were separated like this and i hate that i never got a chance to say something before the game

TG: you thought i liked jade

TG: i did i think shes the shit and always will be but shes not you

TG: hey john there are a few things i need to get off of my chest and i dunno i just gotta tell you so i hope you dont mind

TG: im not sure where to start

He writes a song; he raps a song for you from a remixed version of the song Say My Name. He confesses his feelings to you through a song, he even performs it in the file. You can only sit there and listen to it on repeat three times before you decide to read more messages.

You go further, to the past few months before the end of the game.

TG: i feel like shit about telling you i love you john

TG: cause i do love you very much and i hate that i never got a chance to tell you but i feel as though i can never tell you this cause you probably dont like me like that

TG: its been years and were getting closer to meeting

TG: i… am moving on

TG: it might be for the best if i try to forget my romantic feelings and shit for you cause it will only hurt me to keep pining for you like this and id rather move on than have you reject me cause the pain will hurt less

TG: karkat asked me out

TG: i said yes

TG: im sorry

There are no more messages until your most recent birthday from the new universe.

TG: im dont know how to face you anymore

That’s all he wrote, the other universe’s Dave, the one from yours… he sent more messages, talking about all the stuff he’d love to do with you when you two finally meet. He was excited and scared about it, but he wanted to meet you, to tell you hits feelings in person, he hoped you would give him a chance.

You look at the final messages from him, in that familiar shade of red.

TG: rose said were gonna see you today and i cant wait john ive been wanting to see you for so long and i hope youve been wanting to see me

TG: i love you see you soon

That Dave is dead, in the bubbles, probably trying to find you to tell you his feelings in person.

Oh… oh God, he’ll never be able to, you’re still alive, he’s dead. M-Maybe a John from that universe would be able to make him happy, maybe the John who died in this one will be accepting of his feelings…! Yeah! Then he’ll be happy!

Your face hurts, you notice you’re crying, when did that happen?

You put your fingers to the keys and type.

EB: i love you too.

END

**Author's Note:**

> The song is a real fan song by MC Dave Strider, it’s a Johndave song and it’s actually really good. I suggest looking it up and giving it a listen.
> 
> This actually hurt to write, which doesn’t happen to me often, usually other people’s work makes me want to cry, not my own. So I think I did well with this one!


End file.
